2010: The Year of the Me Monster

It's amazing that moving 700 miles away from everything familiar and comfortable makes you reevaluate everything, things that you thought were just fundamentally who you were.

Exhibit A. NEVER have I been active, never. I was the kid in high school that would barely run the mile in time to not fail in PE CLASS. I had accepted the fact that I’m just not an active person, and now I'm training to run a 1/2 marathon. I didn’t start running because I was bored, trying to lose weight, or trying to begin my career as a marathon runner. I realized that I often played it safe, and didn't try for things that might lead to failure. I really wanted something that was going to be a challenge every day, and something that I push myself to do. As seen by my pep talks that I give myself during my 7:30 am Saturday runs, this is doing just that. Funny thing is that I feel better than I have in a long time. This challenge/accomplishment thing has really shifted my perspective of what I'm capable of doing. It's an exciting feeling.

Exhibit B. I've been giving thought to this whole "nice guys (girls) finish last." I really think there is truth to the theory. Not because the rest of the world is mean and like to beat up on nice people, but because nice people give up too much control in exchange for a relationship. This often leads to the “nice girl/guy” to be taken for granted. Allow me to explain.

Feel free to disagree here, but I'd say that in friendship and relationships that I tend to be a "nice girl." (Though both of you have seen my temper at times). Anyway, I think that I place such high value on relationships, people, and what they add to my life that I'm willing to sacrifice things that I need in a relationship just to keep the other person in my life. Now, this sounds kind of pathetic, and it's not supposed to. I allow others to negotiate the terms of our relationship while withholding some of my needs or preferences to keep the peace. What? You want to hang out with some other person for 3 months, and then come back to be BFF with me? Sure, we'll forget that whole 3 months of crappy friendship ever happened. So my thoughts are that nice guys/girls can still be the nice person, invest all they want into relationships and love people all they want, but they have to take charge and make sure that they are helping to negotiate the terms and rules of relationships. In the end, I think it will make the other parties respect and appreciate them even more.

Anyway! New life, new leaf! I've decided to start making a conscious effort to take charge of my life and my relationships. I'm nervous just thinking about it.

So there you go, those are my 2010 changes thus far...and I hope you've enjoyed the ramblings that normally stay in my head.

Party of One

Hey blog! I don’t have much to update you on other than the stupid details of my life, so get excited. Theme of the month: I’m single and my life isn’t headed anywhere awesome. Now, don’t assume I’m super Debbie Downer about either of these things. It’s just a theme and I’m trying to work it out.

We had our family vacation a few weeks ago and that was a lot of fun. Mass chaos + sun + goodbyes = Amy’s worst nightmare. But it was good to see everyone and see Forest’s kids one last time. They’ve grown up so much in the last year and are real, operating kids. (I’m a real boy!) Here’s a picture of the some of the oil we enjoyed:

Um, so the best part of being the youngest of 5 kids is that you are the last single one in the family. It’s a spot that earns you the foldout couch with the kids, back seat in a crowded van, a chair at the kids’ table, and out of the making-plans loop because it’s just me, so why would I care what we do. I think it just hit me the second night on the couch with Caleb and Josiah, when Caleb kicked me in the face, that I am single and it’s not working out for me.

You know what else makes me feel really single… buying Just-for-One frozen veggies. I get home and my broccoli and cheese one just has 2 of the 4 single trays. I guess they realized that I wouldn’t make it to the third meal in my lame life. It’s cool, Walmart, just rub it in. Maybe they should just make a “Hey, I live alone!” aisle in the very front of the store for all to see, featuring half loaves of bread, individual vegetables servings, 1/4 gallon milk, 2 scoops of ice cream and small cans of fruits. Hopefully I would run into some of you on that aisle and not feel so alone.

As for the “my life is going nowhere” part -- I think we all know about my job situation, so we don’t have to elaborate. But it’s just added to my life confusion of where I should be and when. So I’ll keep you posted and let you know if I have any great epiphanies about how to be an adult.

Things that cheer me up:

1) I got an old camera from my parents’ house while I was at home. I asked if I could steal it to find out if they make film for it still. It’s a Kodak Brownie Bull’s-Eye and I did find some film for it, one color and one black and white. So it’s loaded with the color and we’re ready to go. It belonged to our grad school mascot and my great-aunt, Aunt Maline.

2) Found out from Melissa yesterday that I got into Artwalk 2010 (September 10-11). Thanks for letting me know, MJ! I’ll be in the same place as last year and evidently they have cleared out the building, so I’ll be in there with 8 other people. I already know someone that has the same address, so that’s cool.

3) I'm starting my Mixed Media art class at Sammy U tonight. I told MJ yesterday that I feel like it's a community college class, and that I WILL start up my own study group and pick on the improv comedy class kids. I just hope we have an Abed in the group. I take that back; I hope I am Abed. I'm kinda nervous about the class, but that's good for me, because it means I'll be doing something outside my comfort zone. You might be saying, "But isn't this your comfort zone?" Yes, but alone. I've never done this in front of or with other people, so we'll see how it goes.

Alright, back to responsible life,

akschell